Disclaimer: This was written just after a friend’s recent passing. Even though the holidays are upon us, grief still hovers amidst the seasonal cheer. We often have to get used to having a tug of war between contrasting emotions that we feel each day. So we are addressing that today.
Grief…we are surrounded by it these days. As Seniors, it’s part of our daily life. Loved ones gone, friends and family members with cancer, undergoing chemo, radiation, holistic treatments, Hospice care. One friend went to 4 funerals in one day!
Are vitamins and exercise worth anything??? We are closer to the mystery of death than anything else – it is one of the few certainties in our lives. On a bad day, all we want to do is cry. On a good day, we want to make the very best of the time left, feel entitled to do whatever we like, whenever we feel like it, and tired of taking care of the world. We begin to cherish small things, laser focus on the joy in small activities and scenes, cherish the people we know and love who are still with us.
Many of us finally get serious about estate planning, downsizing, making our wills, researching retirement and end of life homes. And many of these issues make our children uneasy discussing with us. Thank God for friends to talk to- yet again, we are all in this together!
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross did a beautiful job delineating the 5 stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, we need to remember that they don’t always follow this prescribed order and some stages are harder to move through than others. It’s easy to get lost in the miasma of grief. There is also some relief -if the path to loss has been long and difficult and we have been a major caregiver, then feelings of relief may be hard to admit, or make us feel guilty for having such thoughts.
Our vulnerability can be scary. Besides the loss of loved ones, there is the slow but relentless loss of our own capabilities. We have less energy, less flexibility, often less wherewithal to solve problems. And the ongoing disappointment when our plans go awry and the world seems to let us down- often in ways that are unexpected and beyond our understanding.
But there comes a time when we need to refocus on our own life in a positive way, and what is next on the horizon for us. This is not always easy to do. Journaling, grief groups, good friends and creative activities all help with moving through grief.
As a friend once said, “What we are left with is kindness and community”. Those choices are up to us, regardless of circumstances or loss. To love fully, to give generously with an open heart, to remain connected.
Peace be with you. May you cherish this one brief life and live it to its fullest ! Patty & Suzanne
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