For many of us, this deep, dark season of a January winter is not full of the excitement of a new year opening before us and the prospect of wonderful new experiences on the horizon. The holidays may have left us feeling melancholy, unfulfilled or sad in acknowledging that our holidays were not what we expected.
We may be acutely aware of loved ones we have lost, missed opportunities, estrangement from family and friends, or changing health issues. Years ago, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross delineated five stages of grief : denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They don’t always occur in this order and we may find ourselves returning again and again to a familiar stage. One of the most difficult concepts to deal with as we grow up is that we actually have much less control of life than we thought we could/would. Accepting that, and releasing the self blame that goes along with it, is an important step in regaining your equilibrium, your life.
In our chapter on Change, Choice and Challenge, there are several exercises to help you define your own methods for dealing with loss – and how they are working for you. To me, denial is one of the most difficult to let go of. We live in a society where “I’m fine” is the statement everyone wants to hear. And yet that does not allow us to own, process and share our deepest feelings. While each of our losses are uniquely personal, they are also universal. Owning and sharing them can give us some comfort, community, and perhaps even begin to allow us to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And to heal.
So as this year begins to unfold, find ways to take good care of yourself, give yourself all the comfort and nurturing you need, and ask yourself-
During the holidays, was there a disconnect between my expectations and my reality? If so, how did that feel?
Is there someone or something that I am struggling to let go of? If so, how am I managing?
Where am I stuck in the grieving process?
Who do I trust enough to share my deepest feelings with?
What kinds of things can I do for my own self care?
The process of “wintering” and slowing down can help you focus on your needs and healing this month. Pace yourself.
Patty & Suzanne